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Watch what they do and adapt it for yourself. He embraced his feminine side, and while not effeminate, he was nurturing. Many of us midlife women have created great lives through our focus, power and assertiveness. Simply go to your heart more and less from your head.
You are spending too much time in the male energy area of your life. It helped me not feel I had to insist on splitting the check, or reciprocate every kind action a date made. This is such a good inquiry.
This is effective in the male culture of work, dominated with war and sports metaphors. With the help of a few image consultant friends who saw my image was not eliciting the response I wanted, they helped outfit me in more feminine, yet still powerful attire.
The truly powerful, I believe, have learned how to adapt to each situation and behave in ways that make them successful. In your example of drilling a potential suitor on the first encounter, think beforehand what questions you could ask that would be gentler, yet still elicit the information you desire.
The right side represents your male side and the left your female side. My feminist bent felt I had to match everything equally, tit for tat. The last guy went packing after our initial call. The secret, I believe is to be able to be yang when the other is in yin and vice versa. They can be friends, colleagues, or even those in the media.
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